Movie Review: "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1" (2011)

Photo still taken during the Ellen DeGeneres Cut of "Breaking Dawn: Part 1".

DISCLAIMER: This review may contain spoilers (unless you're so blind that you couldn't see the plot twists coming in this film).

Don't you just miss when vampires were actually interesting and scary? Movies like "Bram Stoker's Dracula", "The Lost Boys", and "Interview with a Vampire" come to mind. Well, it seems all of that has been traded in for pretty boy model types with sparkling eyes, hairless bodies, crappy CGI effects, cookie-cutter plots akin to an episode of "Dawson's Creek", and brain-dead female protagonists.

What has Stephanie Meyer done to the vampire genre? Lord help us all. While Michael Bay is busy turning the action genre upside down on its head, Stephanie Meyer might as well be his female half. The two of them are no better than the other. The latest turd-fest in this series (which is soon coming to an end, thank God) is "Breaking Dawn, Part 1".

The story this time follows the marriage of Edward and Bella as well as the life they live after marriage. That's pretty much it, yep, that's the story in a nutshell. I must say that it's so easy to view this film as a comedy -- From the expressions on Edward's face all the time, the CGI talking wolves, to the various failed attempts at drama.

	THE TWILIGHT SAGA: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (Blu-ray Disc, 2012, Special Edition) Current Bid: $16.77
	The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, Original Soundtrack New Sealed Current Bid: $3.98
	The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn ~ â¥ Bella and Edward â¥ Dolls Current Bid: $59.95
	The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (DVD, 2012, 2-Disc Set, Special... Current Bid: $13.80
	The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1 [Original Soundtrack] CD New Sealed Current Bid: $3.88
	The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (DVD, 2012,single disc Current Bid: $7.98

Boring Dawn, Part 1

I'm confused. This is a vampire story, isn't it? Yet, themes of marriage and pregnancy dominate most of the film. Seriously, nearly an hour into "Breaking Dawn, Part 1" and all we've seen so far is your typical run-of-the-mill expensive wedding and a honeymoon. An HOUR. Most of the "action", if you want to call it that, doesn't happen until the last fifteen minutes of the film, and everything before that is just a bunch of boring talk and cheesy dialogue. It doesn't sound like Stephanie Meyer is breaking any dawn here.

Meyer's desperate attempts to expand on her initial concept in "Twilight" are extremely laughable, especially in this fourth entry. For starters, how funny does a vampire bachelor party sound? No joke, on the night before their wedding, Edward's vampire buddies take turns hopping up to the window to try and invite him out. It looked like something out of a vampire spoof.

Vampire weddings? Vampire bachelor parties? Vampire honeymoons? Vampire pregnancies? Can you say... ROFLMAO? Then Bella asks Edward if there's going to be any strippers, Edward coyly replies 'Just a bunch of [insert wild animal species here]'. So vampires spend their bachelor parties either eating wild animals or watching them strip naked. Very clever, Stephanie Meyer, very clever.

You know what? Taking all of this into consideration, I think "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1" has been falsely advertised as a vampire movie. Instead, I believe the following preview is a better example of what to expect from the film:

The Real Trailer for "Breaking Dawn, Part 1"

She's Having a Baby

Following the stupid overblown wedding (which I thought would never come to an end), we focus on Bella's pregnancy. This whole idea is flawed from the get-go; for starters, why would vampires possess sperm that actually works? Aren't they dead? It would be one thing if the vampires were still alive like in "Lord of the Dead" or "Vampire Academy" but Meyer has made it very clear that the vampires in her universe are in fact dead.

Fatal Attraction

And you thought Michael Douglas was an idiot. Even after Bella marries Edward, she's STILL leading poor Jacob on. You would think that after she fully committed to this man in a marriage that she would leave Jacob alone, but no...

Jacob: Don't smile at me like I'm your favorite person in the world.

Bella: You're one of them.

What a great role model, she's married and still teasing the other guy. I bet she loves the attention. Bella obviously wants to eat her cake and then some. I'm sorry, but pick one of them and stick with him. Speaking of role models, I'd also like to point out that abstinence before marriage doesn't quite fit the bill when you're only nineteen years old and marrying someone you haven't known for a long time (let alone lived with beforehand).

Homeward Bound: The Twilight Journey

This scene literally takes the icing on the cake for the comedy in "Breaking Dawn, Part 1". Frustrated, Jacob transforms into his CGI werewolf self and runs through the forest where he meets up with his CGI wolf pack. They all have an angry discussion that is depicted through over-the-top voiceovers.

I'm actually surprised their mouths didn't move to match the voiceovers themselves. Were they too lazy to add this effect in? It's not like they ran out of money, because they sure did a bootleg job on the CGI effects, so it can't be that. Either way, this is one of the most hilarious scenes in "Breaking Dawn, Part 1", I thought I was watching the special ed version of "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey" for a second.

Remedies for "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1"

Unfortunately, the only sole remedy for "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1" is... (drum roll)... ABORTION!

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Phoebe Pike Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago

I think Edward is creepy. He's over 100 and went to high school with an interest in underage girls and when he finally finds one it's because she "smells good"... creepy!

Smokes Angel Level 2 Commenter 5 months ago

I have a problem with Edward Cullen too. I really think Edward was the result of a one night stand between Tinker Bell and Dracula while they held hands with Iggy Stardust. Who has ever heard of a vegan vampire let alone one that twinkles... Definitely more creepy than LeStat or any other vampire I ever read about

Phoebe Pike Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago

We need more Anne Rice books.

Stevennix2001 Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago

although, i think you've written another great and funny review, I think your review comes off as overly biased if you ask me. Granted, I was accused of the same thing in my review of this same said movie, but at least, I did acknowledge that the series as a whole has promise if you look at the premise alone.

I think the problem with Twilight doesn't have anything to do with it being realistic. After all, until vampires are proven scientifically to have ever existed at all, then all vampire movies are by definition unrealistic. Just saying.

Plus, I disagree with you that Meyer's stories are the equivalent of Bay's work on "Transformers" and action movies geared towards guys. First of all, we have to take in mind the intention behind each story. Although Bay lies through the skin of his damn teeth saying..blah blah blah.."I only care about telling a good story..." Yeah, sure he does, and that's why his own writers admitted during an interview that they didn't even finish the damn script for "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" until they shot the final scene of the damn movie. Sure, whatever helps him sleep at night. Moving on, that should tell you that Bay only really cares about a paycheck, and makes movies for the sole purpose of making money. Granted, he's great at creating impressive imagery in his films, and he's able to cater his films to reach the highest demographic level possible to guarantee box office success...but a great story teller..he is not.

Whereas Meyer's twilight series, you can at least tell there's the potential of developing a great story there, but it just falls tragically short on execution in the end; which is the main reason why Twilight sucks as a film series. I can't comment on the books, as I've never read them. But the films, have the potential to be great epic love stories, but it fails in execution because of poor dialogue, piss poor recycled story arcs and conversations, uninspired acting and sometimes over acting, inconsistencies with the plot of the films, weak characterization of the main characters, and lousy CGI effects as you pointed out.

You should probably read what I say in my review, as I do go into a lot more detail into this, but you get the general idea.

I think the sad part about this movie series is that the potential is there to create an epic love story, but it fails at it every single time because of poor execution. That to me is the single most annoying thing about this series.

And no, I'm not a girl or gay/bisexual (not that there's anything wrong with it). I just like to look at the intention behind a story before judging it. From watching the films, it seems like Meyer was trying to convey a strong romantic love story reminiscent to what Shakespeare would probably come up with, but she just falls tragically short. Although, some twilight readers have told me that the book is way better than the movies, and how the films do the books very little justice. Well, lets hope so, as i can't imagine the stories being anymore worse..than what the film series shows. O.O lol

Anyway, thanks again for the great read, and feel free to read my review on this movie if you like, as I'd be kind of curious to see what you'll say about it. lol.

romari 5 months ago

hahaha your hub is so funny...i'll gonna watch that movie tomorrow..

SPomposello Hub Author 5 months ago

While I do respect your opinion, I have to disagree on some points...

I'm actually not biased at all. Trust me, I myself have a soft spot for some chick flicks here and there ("Good Advice" being one of them).

The issue is not realism, the issue is taking something so interesting and dumbing it down into something that's no longer interesting nor scary, which is the jump Stephanie Meyer made with her vampires from Bram Stoker's "Dracula" to her franchise. It's all about moving forward, in this case she took several steps back with the genre instead of several steps ahead.

When it comes to vampires, zombies, and any other fictional undead creatures, what matters is making them effective. In these movies, they're a big joke. A vampire bachelor party? A film where 99% of it is spent on nothing but a wedding, a honeymoon, pregnancy, and abortion? What is that?

As for the premise, unfortunately, I can only see a teeny bopper love story with vampires only lasting for one film, especially a cookie cutter PG-13 one like this. Heck, "The Lost Boys" was a teen flick with vampires and that beats any film that came out of this franchise because it never resorts to showing us clean pretty-boy creatures that came out of a model magazine, crappy CGI effects, nor does it fail to deliver on grittiness (something which these "Twilight" films don't have).

But beyond that, there's no real promise to Stephanie Meyer's story. Everything that happens in these movies you can see coming from miles away. As I said in my review, this is basically "Dawson's Creek" with vampires thrown into it, there's nothing interesting at all about that.

I think you're looking at the Meyer/Bay comparison from the wrong angle. See, Michael Bay represents the stereotypical dumb male who thinks with what's between his legs while Stephanie represents the stereotypical dumb female who thinks the opposite. Both of them are shallow and seem to specialize in porn (i.e. Bay shows us half-naked chicks while Meyer shows us half-naked guys).

Stevennix2001 Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago

Oh okay. I see where you're coming from here, as those are valid arguments. Like I said before, I never read the books, so I can't comment on them. Plus, like you, I personally didn't care for any of the films either, but I can see now where you're coming from. Although, I think personally if people want to see a great love story between a vampire and human, then they should see "Let the Right One In" or "Let Me In" though, as those were not only great stories, but stayed a helluva a lot more faithful to the classic vampire mythology and lore.

I think in Twilight's case, Stephenie just created her own mythology about vampires that ignored the lore that was established over the years from various books, movies and etc; which would explain a lot of things. However, I do think we can agree that this was not a good movie by any means.

CarltheCritic1291 Level 5 Commenter 5 months ago

I agree about Twilight being overall bad, I have read the books (which was more like a fourth grader's work than a full grown woman's writting), and watch the movie (by request from many Twi-hard fans).

(I had to take it off HubPages because it was flagged for being a duplicate or something) but you wrote everything that I felt about the movie. It's not good but it's for fans so of course they'll enjoy it no matter what. Great Hub, keep up the great work. Voted Up, and Everything else :)

Nat Amaral Level 3 Commenter 5 months ago

While I do like the Twilight movies, I do miss the older genre vampire films (Anne Rice and Dracula types). I guess it's because I'm of the older generation. Great hub, and I really like your profile pic--I'm a sucker for cats. :)