Movie Review: "Mannequin Two: On The Move" (1991)

"Mannequin Two: On The Move" has absolutely no connection to the original film with the exception of three returning characters: Hollywood, the nerdy security guard, and the department store (wait, that's a setting). Now, let me just say that while the first "Mannequin" wasn't exactly academy award winning material, it doesn't amount to the nonsense one has to put up with in "Mannequin Two: On The Move".

We open the story to a long time ago in the land of Far, Far Away where Jessie (the mannequin) is cursed into being a dummy by means of a necklace that is placed around her neck (when taken off, she becomes real). Then we fast forward to the 90's. Our stereotypical villains are as follows: An evil queen who lives in another country, Count Spretzel (aka Count Dracula and a donkey all rolled into one) and his three bodyguards whom resemble a bunch of steroid-pumping gay guys decked out in tight clothing.

These three guys are so annoying throughout the film, I'm not even sure what made the Count hire them as his bodyguards. They can't ever do anything right in this movie -- They don't know how to drive, they lose his most valuable possessions, and they whine like a bunch of spoiled kids.

The new protagonist this time is Jason. He's not much different than the male protagonist in the first "Mannequin" except that he lives with his mom and he doesn't have difficulty finding a job. Everything else about "Mannequin Two: On The Move" resembles the first "Mannequin" in terms of story formula.

The problem is that it's hard to understand why a sequel was needed to begin with. Everything seemed nicely tied up at the end of "Mannequin", didn't Jefferson Starship tell us that nothing was gonna stop them now during the end credits? Well, I guess that didn't stop more dummies from coming to life.

Essentially, "Mannequin Two: On The Move" is a plain remake of the first "Mannequin" in almost every sense of the word. What happens is... Nice guy gets a job at big fancy department store, meets a mannequin, mannequin comes to life, they fall in love, some bad people try to separate them, nice guy and mannequin overcome obstacles and live happily ever after (cue theme song by Jefferson Starship, please).

The only major difference is that there's a stereotypical Prince/Princess fairy tale spin on things this time around. I think I liked this movie ten times better when it was remade sixteen years later under the title of "Enchanted". Seriously, that movie is the real sequel to "Mannequin" here, not this.

The biggest issue with "Mannequin Two: On The Move" is the questionable mental status of the characters that are in it. If you're looking for a circus, then you found one here. Just about everyone in this movie makes the dumbest decisions. Allow me to go through some of them...

• Early in the film, it's Jason's first day at the department store and Hollywood is showing him around. He introduces him to one of the hot female sales representatives whom immediately takes attraction to him. However, Jason turns her down because "It's too soon, we should take it slow and get to know each other first". But moments later, when Jessie the mannequin comes to life, Jason jumps to his feet to take her out on a date. So let me get this straight, you won't accept a dating invitation from a beautiful and seemingly decent woman in real life right away, but taking out a mannequin who just sprung to life is no problem? Any normal person would most likely show some resistance with the latter rather than with the first.
• There's a scene where Jessie puts the necklace back on herself and becomes a dummy again (mind you, at this point in the movie, neither Jason or Jessie are aware of the necklace's powers). Jason is bewildered and upset by this, so he becomes depressed to the point of actually taking Jessie (as a dummy) to a local diner and sits across from her, subjecting himself to mass humiliation from numerous onlookers. I know he was confused and depressed, but still, what was the point of doing this other than to look stupid?
• The three big gay idiots are notorious as far as this subject goes. There's one point where they tell the Count that they lost the dummy and can't find her. Well, why not try telling the nerdy security guard whom you punched in the face for no reason as you were coming into the store earlier? Better yet, why not ask to speak to the store manager?
• Count Spretzel orders the three big gay idiots to go guard the dummy. This is coming after he took them with him, away from where the dummy was being kept. What a smart way to lose your most valuable possession.
• When Jessie is about to be captured by the Count at Jason's house, she makes zero attempt to get away despite the many opportunities during that moment. Nope, she just lets him put the necklace on her so she can turn back into a dummy again.
• Not knowing any better since she's a dummy, Jessie orders a bunch of store furniture under Jason's employee account (she has his employee card), whatever that is. Later, after Jessie is recaptured and the police have arrived at Jason's house, the furniture shows up as well and Jason's boss assumes that he stole all of it. I guess this moron never heard of a receipt before. Whether Jason bought it or Jessie, it was purchased under his account.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to the most stupid and cringeworthy scene of this movie... the nightclub scene. Yep, you know they had to just throw this in here because there wasn't anything like this in the first "Mannequin". During their first date together, Jason takes Jessie to a night club.

Inside, there's hip early 90's music playing. In the midst of everyone dancing, Jessie begins performing a royal-like dance then, all of a sudden, the DJ immediately stops the music so that everyone in the club can stop dancing with each other and, instead, follow what Jessie is doing.

Say it with me now... WTF!? I know this movie falls within the lines of fantasy and that mannequins can't really come to life, but come on! This scene right here is boarding on the line between fantasy and complete stupidity.

• Since when does a security guard have to physically screen every single person who comes through a department store?
• Somehow, Count Spretzel manages to sneak a crossbow into a department store. I guess this place doesn't use metal detectors, huh?
• During their first date, Jason buys Jessie a hot dog. She ends up eating both the dog and the paper. Her reaction? "The paper tastes so good!". Really? I had no idea paper actually had a...err... taste.